Understanding Guy Members

Crystal requested that I add on to what I wrote earlier. So here goes:

One of the struggles of every girl leader is when they need to know how to mentor guy members. Many girls will complain that guys have this one characteristic called "Male Ego". In Chinese, they call it "face". Almost all guys know how to protect each other's ego or "face". But yet sometimes to the girls, they think male ego is a very obstructing unnecessary characteristic. But as a female leader, I believe this is one area where you cannot neglect. Learn the art of dealing with male ego and your guy member will lay down his life for you. Break the rules and you can wonder why your guy member can never rise up.

How do you gain a guy's respect? Here are a few ways you can do it:

1. Learn to tap into his strength.

Don't harp on his flaws. But use his strength to the benefit of the whole team. That will make him feel good and that will make everyone happy. But you say, I don't know what is his strength. Well, help him discover one! A man's identity is derived from accomplishments. When he feels he's contributing to his team through his strength and talent, he will feel more willing to go the extra mile for you.

2. Appreciate him.

When he does something for you, say things like "Great job!", "You're awesome!", "Thank you so much!". These words bring a lot of significance to a man. They let the guy know he's doing great and he'll keep on doing more great things for you. Praise them! And of course, they may not show it out to you, or they may even say, "Aiya...no lah...where got good!" But within their heart, they are glowing with joy. I'm a guy...I know.


3. Be patient when he makes mistakes.

When a guy makes mistakes, I've seen how some female leaders corner the guy with questions like:
"You could have done it this way. Why didn't you do so?"
"Why are you so blur?"
"You did so-and-so mistake. Can you please tell me why you do so?"
"Why are you always like that?"

These type of questions are bad. Because they force the guy to defend themselves. And when the guy begins to defend himself, he'll start giving you all sorts of excuses. Then you argue somemore, "What kind of excuse is that?" Then he began giving more excuses to cover his first excuse. At the end, you wonder why does he have such bad attitude.

Solution: Just teach him the right way to do it and say it nicely. If he fails to help carry heavy stuff for the girls, don't go screaming at him, "Why are you so not gentleman?" Instead teach him nicely, "Is it ok if you could help the girls carry their stuff next time when you see them? I think they'll appreciate it a lot."

Many leaders focus too much on the past and what has already happened, they should instead focus on the future, and on how they can get things done right next time.

4. Never question his manhood.

To say things like "Where is your manhood?" or "Why are you so not gentleman?", you'll kill the guy's respect for you if you're not careful with your words. "You're too soft!" Yes, it'll make you look good pointing out their flaws, but there are some long-term consequences to that. Don't be flippant in using words that insults a man's pride. Ruin it and everybody suffers for it.

5. Believe in him.


And the most important thing of all leadership is you believing in him. You want to see him improve. You want to help him to accomplish great things. You want to see him realize his dreams and potential.


The greatest turn-off of every guy is to have people pinpointing their flaws and mistakes everyday of their lives. As leaders, we need to be less judgmental and be more believing & forgiving towards them.

Yes, sometimes we have to discipline them for their errors. But the level you correct them must be proportionate to the level you love them. If you have never got interested in your member's life and you try to force them to change, they will only grow resentment. Save yourself the trouble and be their friends first before getting into their lives...


Ultimately, the job of every leader is to challenge our members to do something because they WANT to, and not because they HAVE to. In some circumstances, I've committed this mistake myself by forcing somebody to do something they have no heart to. Yes, they did it because they didn't want to upset me. But they only did it once, and they totally disappear after that. The best way to make them do something is to inspire them, and make them want to run the vision on their own accord!

Don't hard sell your team vision. Engage their emotions and paint the picture of the future when the team vision is accomplished. And help them see where they fit in! Once they know how they contribute to the bigger puzzle, they will willingly lay down their lives for it...